People will forget most of the things you said or did for them, but one thing is sure. They will never forget how you made them feel.
Life is a journey. There is always a starting point and a final destination. Although we all have a common starting point, the final destination is a matter of personal choice. Whatever your aim in life may be, wherever you want to finally be, one question is sure to be asked,..............HOW DO I GET THERE? .........and of the many ways to get there, one thing is certain and any attempt to do without it will mean that you stay at the starting point and never make any advancement.
Of all the many things that will take us to our final destination in this life's journey, i want to single out one for the purpose of this context...........RELATIONSHIPS.
Relationships are the vehicles that transport us to wherever we wish to go in life and helps us in whatever we wish to do in life.It remains a moral obligation therefore to make the right choices and do everything possible to maintain the right relationships if at all we can't create new ones. There are three (3) main forms of relationships in my candid opinion.
Relationship with God
Relationship with Nature
Relationship with Fellow Humans
All these relationships are the sine qua nons of every meaningful life experience, yet we all know by prima facie that relationships or interactions with fellow men engage us more than any of the other forms. It will therefore be suicidal to ignore the people who matter in our lives or severe ties that we have built with family and friends over the years only to regret later.
In our day - to - day interactions with fellow men, we realise there we are dealing with a complex of emotions and characters. Everybody yearns to be loved, cared for, appreciated and encouraged. We have internalised the basic emotions of love, fear, anger, jealousy etc.
We all have shortcomings in contrast with the special gifts and abilities that make us unique.
The fact that we are emotional beings makes us a bit selfish, the exhibition of which exposes us to offending others and being offended by others as well. This makes it difficult to reconcile our egos with that of others, because it is the root of many problems in relationships.
Have you not observed that in attempting to right the wrongs of others, we sometimes end up worsening the situation? Could it be the approach we use?
Every human is in a way defensive. This defensive nature of ours makes us hostile to condemnation and correction because we tend to justify every action of ours even though we are wrong to avoid shame. It makes it difficult therefore to correct others of their wrongdoings when we also have our bad sides,which may even be worse than what we condemn. Most relationships are ruined today because because of what i term crisis management.
Psychologists have discovered many ways of maintaining relationships and even winning new friends over. But Dale Carnegie summed most of them up in one sentence .....................Be hearty in approbation and lavish in praise.
Whenever we are dealing with the wrongs of others or trying to correct them, let us not be tempted to condemn. It is more adviceable to start with approbation or praise. By so doing, you break the person's natural defenses and establish a peaceful connection with the heart that causes them to give you not only their attention but respect and love as well.
Instead of shouting......."I hate that your attitude towards the opposite sex, you always disgrace me with your show of arrogance whenever i am with you in the midst of others". Why not calmly call the person to a table, offer a cup of tea and tell him/her........"You know sometbing? i like your composure and ego very well. Sometimes i wish i were as confident as you are. Its very good to be confident because it expresses an inner acceptance of who you are. My only problem is that people may wrongly interpret it as arrogance. I will advice that you tone it down a bit to avoid being misunderstood"
Which of the approaches do you think will yield results while at the same time strengthening the relationship? I strongly believe it is the latter. The former approach will not only fail to achieve its purpose, but will also go a long way to severe the relationship.
Let us not be too quick to condemn. Let us appreciate others for who they are and correct them in love. If you can't build new relationships, please try as much as possible to strengthen the few you already have but not to weaken or destroy them. Relationships are as equally important as talent and skill, riches and fame. Never turn away the people who love you. Beware of your actions.
You are not perfect,............and it is only stupid to expect others to be.
Keep strengthening your relationships and endeavour to build new ones and you will be surprised how far you can go in life.
...................................be hearty in approbation and lavish in praise
